Men and this place called the kitchen

Now..now, any lady who somehow gets to lay eyes on this words of wisdom, should imprint them in her mind and use them as a guide to approaching relationships.Any attempt made by a man to prepare food,no matter how feeble(i.e microwaving anything,fixing spaghetti etc)should be met with roughly the same amount of praise a parent might showers upon their infant when it walks for the first time... this might be one of the best piece of advice about men any woman could get.

The average man in a kitchen is as confused as a foreigner trying to make sense of the Japanese characters for the first time.Some of us should not even be let into the kitchen for security reasons.Now,while I agree that some of the best chefs today happen to be men,in the normal average man's mind meals prepare themselves and weddings plan themselves.

A few years ago I got a practical example why I am not so good in the kitchen.I dragged myself out of bed at 8.00, it was cold and I would have preferred to stay in bed longer but I could not ignore my rumbling empty stomach anymore.I confidently made my way to the kitchen,took out some eggs from the fridge and proceeded to stare at them for a whole minute before I realized that I would be needing a frying pan achieve my goal.So I started the hunt for the pan somehow in the kitchen I never get what I am searching for, I kept opening cabinets and pulling out forks,large knives,larger knives..why are there so many knives in one kitchen?..anyway,after more than a whole minute of searching, I found the frying pan in the cabinet just in front of me. The cabinet was some inches above my head.Standing on my toes,I stretched my hand to reach the pan,but as I was taking it out,I lost balance and me,the numerous cups,plates and pans all went tumbling down.

The pan landed on my forehead leaving a painful reminder of my horrible kitchen experience.In the commotion, I had knocked down the eggs and they lay broken beside me.I slowly picked myself up left everything in a mess and went to bed leaving the messy evidence of my kitchen fiasco on the floor.

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It gets crazier still

Sitting in class last week,I had the best idea of my life.It was good..no, even better, it was legendary,awesome,genius,I mean it was goooood.The kind of idea that is the dream of every scientist to have.I did not just bump into it, no. It slowly crept into my mind as I tried my best to concentrate in class.

It sneaked into my thoughts and I could think of nothing else..I could hardly wait to put it into writing. It burned in my chest like a broken heart, suddenly there were butterflies in my stomach..reminding me of my first date so long ago.

So good was the Idea that I wanted to scream it out loud..but I knew such an unwelcomed action would only earn me hostile looks from Jessica and Zam my immediate neighbors,not to mention the teacher..so I held it inside.My hands were now aching with the desire to put it into writing, and I kept looking at the clock willing it to move faster.

As soon as the chime sounded, I grabbed my bag and started running only for the teacher to call me back asking me to lead the class in a closing prayer.I rushed through the prayer, and murmured a half- hearted 'shitsurei shimasu' accompanied by what can hardly be described as a bow and rushed out.

I sat down took out my small laptop excitedly then I suddenly stopped.I had forgotten what I wanted to write.The stream of ideas in my head had died,the burning in my chest was no more,even the butterflies in my stomach had been replaced by what I could positively identify as pangs of hunger.
I pushed back the comp into my bag headed off to chapel doubting my sanity all the way

Extinction of Gentle-manhood

Today one of my friends was going on about how hard it is to find a gentleman among the jerks in this age and time.This remark brought back so many memories. Back in those days when I had a girlfriend,she always had a way of turning a normal conversation into an argument about how evil men are.She would always center her argument on how modern men are no longer chivalrous and how the gentlemen of the romance novels were basically extinct.

Now, I could take the whole day disputing this ,but I wont..because I am in class and the teacher is throwing suspicious looks at me.

So to all ladies who think on the same lines, this is my answer.It is possible for all men to be gentlemen, but it is not practical. If we were all gentlemen then gentle-manhood looses its uniqueness then we longer appreciate the gentlemen.It is with this in mind that all men met in the early 90s and decided that the majority of us should be in every way the opposite of gentlemen.In doing so we have accomplished making the few gentlemen around very very appreciated.

I am not cheap,Just broke

Valentines came, and I wanted to buy chocolate...not that I had any 'special one' in mind, but its just what men do on valentines... unless you are in Japan where the women buy the gifts on valentines then later on another day just like valentines but in March,the guys now buy chocolate for the girls and which is all too confusing for a young African man.But I remembered I never did like chocolate.Not that I have anything against it,I just never understood this universal craze for chocolate..its not bad ,but c'mon its not all that.

So I instead thought of getting flowers, but then I didn't because I don't understand the logic in killing living things as portrayal of love.The only remaining option It seemed was to purchase jewellery...I confidently walked to the necklace display corner my eyes taking in the shiny,beautiful, assortment of necklaces laid out.

As my eyes strayed to the price tags,my knees went weak and I screamed waking up my room-mate who mumbled something about nightmares as he turned over in his bed and went back to sleep.I guess valentines does cause sleepless nights for men.